saving me (writing)

Last but not least, the ability to put words to paper is the one thing that has saved me time and time again. It's the whole reason for this blog. Well, that and my crippling inability to display my latent narcissistic tendencies. (Kidding. Mostly.)

saving me (vulgarity)

You know George Carlin's famous seven words?* Shout them out. Scream them at the top of your lungs. If you're not quite ballsy enough for those seven, something milder is okay. Find the dirtiest word that you can comfortably say out loud and yell it. Think of it as catharsis: there's all that darkness and filth and pain inside of you, and it has to come out one way or another. This way is fast and a lot more fun than you might think.

*Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits.

saving me (time)

There is no quick fix. There is no perfect solution. There is no switch to turn the lights back on. Work as hard as you can, fight as hard as you can, but know that you will have to wait for the dawn.

saving me (secret)

Have things that you cherish. Have things that are important to you. Don't give them away. Sometimes selfishness is okay. Keep parts of yourself to yourself -- don't give everything you are to everyone you meet. Have some secrets.

saving me (revolution)

Find something new, something that excites you. Find something old, something that bothers you. Find something you want to change. Find a change being made that you want to get behind. Find something you want to oppose. Find something you want to support. Find something to be passionate about. Revolt. And in so doing, revolt against the darkness.

saving me (quiet)

Sometimes you just have to burrow into your own head and stay quiet for a while.

saving me (poetry)

It's what i do. Rock bottom produces incredible poems.

saving me (obstinacy)

See defiance.

saving me (negation)

Sometimes when everything is slipping away from you, you can hold onto the things you're not. I'm not poor. I'm not alone. I'm not unintelligent. I'm not untalented. I'm not living at home. The list could go on and on.

saving me (musician)

One musician in particular: my unbelievably wonderful boyfriend.

saving me (love)

Love in all forms. Love from others. Love for others. Love of others for each other. Love for books. Love from my cat. Love for steak. Love from the earth. Promised love. Past love. The hope of future love. Making love. The love of others for one another. Ingrid Michaelson's songs about love. Love, love, love.

saving me (knit)

I've been knitting for over half my life. It's nostalgic, it's simple, it's absorbing, it keeps me busy when i get twitchy, and it produces something beautiful.

saving me (justice)

It's also important to have something outside of yourself to hold on to, something that you want to save. Get out of your own head and focus on someone else's needs. In my case, i'm holding on to things like the fight for civil rights and social justice.

saving me (intelligence)

My own intellect has never failed me. It's important to find something inside of yourself to hold onto, something about yourself worth saving.

saving me (hope)

"Hope" is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -

I've heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.
--Emily Dickinson

saving me (grammar)

I can't help it.

saving me (fear)

Fear saves me. If you're afraid, you have something to lose. Explore that fear. Embrace it. Define it. What is it that scares you? What are you afraid to lose? Hold on to whatever that is; it is your salvation.

saving me (endless)

Neil Gaiman's Sandman series has been saving me. I've fallen in love with the Endless, with their family and their adventures, and if my brother ever returns my copy of Preludes and Nocturnes, i'm going to read them all over again.

saving me (defiance)

One of my most defining personality traits is pigheadedness. This is both a virtue and a flaw. When it comes to depression, it's a virtue: i refuse to be beaten by anything. If you can still fight, you can still breathe.

saving me (changeableness)

Nothing lasts forever. Life is unstable and unpredictable, which is what makes it worth living. You're never going to be stuck anywhere forever.

And here's the really crazy thing: you can change, too. If there are things you don't like about yourself, you can change them. You can become a different person. You can change your routine, or learn to be more patient, or take time to smell the roses, or become more motivated and driven, or be more forgiving of others, or go vegan, or learn French, or even just learn French cooking. Nothing is certain except death and taxes, and even there you have room to cheat.

Nothing is forever.