Reason #15 Why I Should Live With My Boyfriend

I live with all girls. I have three roommates, and they are all female. So who the hell bought fucking single ply toilet paper?!

So glad i could help.

This woman just walked into my office and announced, "I'm not in the right place."
I started to ask her where she was trying to go, so that i could direct her appropriately, but she kept talking.
"Where are they registering people?"
I started to ask what she meant -- registering for classes, or checking into their dorm rooms? -- when she started talking again.
"The gym. They're doing registration in the gym."
"Okay," i said, overjoyed to finally have something to contribute. "Do you know where the gym is?"
"Yes. I need to speak to Steve McLean. His office is upstairs?"
"Yes, it is."
"Okay. Thank you!"
Um. You're welcome?

She came back later, breezed past me, and went straight to my boss' office. Fortunately, he was not there. She then came back over to me and asked if Ashley was around.
"Ashley Rivers?" i asked, referencing one of our enrollment counselors.
"Ashley O'Donnell," she replied, heading toward the door. "Ashley. Ashley Rivers?"
"Um," i said, unsure at this point what her question was or how to answer it, "Ashley Rivers does work here. She was in here earlier this morning, but I haven't seen her since. I think she's gone for the day."
"Okay. Thanks!"

I'm still not totally confident that i contributed anything meaningful or useful to her day, but she was spending her day power walking around a college campus, trying to meet with the wrong people, and carrying several large beach balls. So i'm not sure that there was anything anyone could have done to make her day more meaningful or useful.

Mark 14-16, Luke 1-4:30

It's funny; for all the similarities between the gospels, there are also some pretty stark differences. Mark follows Matthew very closely, but is twelve chapters shorter. Luke (the doctor) wrote an incredibly detailed account. John wrote a lot of poetry in his version. Matthew and Mark tend to blend together a little in my head, but Luke and John are sharp and distinct.

The funny thing about Luke is how he can be telling an incredibly detailed story and then just kind of end it. An example is in Luke 4:28-30. Jesus has been preaching in the synagogue, and has just announced that He is the Messiah, and everyone is starting to freak out a little. They try to deny His authority, but he responds quietly and calmly and refuses to get riled up.

"Then all those in the synagogue, when they heard these things, were filled with wrath, and rose up and thrust Him out of the city; and they led Him to the brow of the hill on which their city was built, that they might throw Him down over the cliff. Then passing through the midst of them, He went on His way."

What? An angry mob dragged Him to the top of a cliff to throw Him off and He walks away? How? Did He do something to distract them? Did He influence their hearts and minds to forget what they were trying to do? Was He invisible?

Luke gives us genealogies, family background, stories about John the Baptist, reports of civil unrest and political intrigue, descriptions of the emotions of each major character at important points of the story, and geographical detail. And then he leads us to the top of a cliff and simply walks away.

Shoddy storytelling, Luke. If this were a graded assignment, you'd probably end up with a C+.

Overheard in the Office 20

"I sent you an email. But it's not urgent. You can read it when you get back. It's like, a work thing. So it's not, like, a non-work thing."

Your phone privileges have been revoked.

So this happened today:

Guy on phone: "Hey, uh, I was just looking at your school online, and I was wondering if you guys had an athletic trainer there."
Me: "Do you mean, like, an athletic training major?"
Guy: "Uh, yeah."
Me: "Um, we have sports management or physical education."
Guy: "Uuuhhh, like, you know when someone's playing sports and they get hurt and the guy runs out on the field to take care of them? Like that."
Me: "Okay, the majors we have are more like, if you want to be a coach or a gym teacher."
Guy: "Oh. Uh, okay. What is your deadline for application?"
Me: "You need to have everything done by the time classes start, which is August 29th. So your application, your financial aid; everything needs to be taken care of by then."
Guy: "Okay. Because I had just graduated on June 7th, and I was going to go to another school, and they accepted my application, but it was too expensive. But I didn't see athletic trainer on your website, so I wanted to call and check."
Me: "Okay. Well, we don't have an athletic training major, but we do have sports management and physical education. They are the closest things we have to what you are looking for."
Guy: "Uh, okay. Do you have criminal justice?"
Me: "Yes."
Guy: "Okay, thank you. Bye."

Wait, do you want to major in athletic training or sports medicine? Because those are two different things. And neither one of them is criminal justice. Am i on Candid Camera? Do you even know what you want to major in? Where is Larissa, my office lover, when i have a great story to tell?!?!