Wednesday, February 29, 2012

How Not to Get a Girl 2

Another guy i work with. Again, all totally real.

N: So you and John are not engaged yet?
Me: No. There's no need to rush things like that. If we're going to be spending the rest of our lives together, then we have the rest of our lives. We don't need to get married immediately.
N: Wow. You're so amazing. If only you were single . . .

N: Hey, gorgeous. How's John?
Me: He's great. We're great. Things are so great with us.
N: Awww, you guys are so cute together. I wish I could find someone like you.

N: How was your break?
Me: Pretty good.
N: And how's John? Did you guys spend any time together over the holidays?
Me: Yeah; actually, he came down to Maryland with me and met my whole family.
N: How did that go?
Me: It went great. Everyone really loved him. It was wonderful.
N: Awesome. So are you guys still together, or . . . ?

Me: So you have a girlfriend now?
N: Yeah. I figured I couldn't wait around for you forever.
Me: I wondered why you hadn't been hitting on me as much lately.
N: Ha ha ha!
Me: Awwww. You laugh like i'm kidding.

N: Guess what I'm doing in two hours?!
Me: Making out with your girlfriend?
N: No. She's six hours away.
Me: I know. I just like to taunt you.
N: Ew. Um, for some reason my brain connected "taunt" with you and me making out, and . . . Ew. Not that I think it would be gross to make out with you, just . . . With the relationship we have, it would be . . . Not that I want to make out with you . . . Or that I've thought about it . . .
Me: Do you need another shovel? Oh, no, it looks like you're doing just fine with the one you've got.


  1. Nothing gets a girl like saying "ew" when they think of making out with her... rawr.

    This guy sounds like a winner!

  2. My boyfriend and i have actually had several long debates over which of us this kid is more interested in. The results are inconclusive, but either way he doesn't have a chance. Generally speaking, asking if someone is still in a relationship is not the best way to start hitting on them.