Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Okay, i have not been posting much as of late. My bad. Let's do a quick catch-up:

My birthday was awesome. Probably the best one i've ever had.

My mom and aunt somehow became convinced that i was going to get engaged this year over my birthday/Christmas. I did not, because i'm not insane. My mom had been married for three years by the time she was my age and is now divorced and married to someone else, and my aunt has been married and divorced twice, most recently to a guy who went temporarily insane and started vandalizing schools and trying to shoot her (true story), and is currently in a relationship with someone who lives in Florida, while she lives in Maryland, and neither of them wants to move. So clearly these should be my standards for whether or not my relationship is on the right track.

Instead of an engagement ring, i got measuring spoons and a gorgeous baking dish from my favorite kitchen store (Sur la Table), a comic book/graphic novel version of a world literature text book, and earrings. I also got the reassurance that if/when Boyfriend proposes, it won't be anywhere near a holiday or my birthday, because a) the engagement itself should be its own event and b) then i won't get a birthday/Christmas/Valentine's day/whatever present.

I drove to Maryland alone for the annual four Christmases. It was alternately stressful and boring, with some nice moments thrown in for good measure, and i got lots of cash and gift cards (including an $80 Victoria's Secret gift card from my mom, purchased in anticipation of my impending engagement), so my sisters and i hit the mall on December 26th and spent a ton of money. We then spent the rest of the week together, watching season one of Dexter and getting haircuts and eating dinner with our dad. We headed back to our mom's house on the 28th, where i made sure all of my devices were charged (especially my GPS) and packed a sandwich.

On the 29th, i drove for 9 1/2 hours through a snowstorm, alone, and mostly in the dark. It was a little scary, but mostly people were being smart and careful and i had some great audiobooks, so it was okay. I slept and showered and unpacked and snuggled with my boyfriend for most of the 30th. I picked up my cat from Benji's house on the 31st and then went home to prepare for the Gay Apparel holiday party that night.

My boyfriend and his roommates were hosting. "Gay Apparel" was completely open for interpretation; most people dressed pretty normally, but i and another woman dressed like Ellen and the other Ellen woman's husband dressed like a bear. The gay kind, not the grizzly kind. I got pleasantly drunk and kissed John at midnight and sobered up before bed (therefore waking up with only a mild hangover), and the next morning i and one of the roommates got bacon and coffee and made hangover breakfast for everyone.

Today is my first day back at work, so yesterday i hung around the house in leggings, eating chips and salsa and doing laundry and snuggling with my cat, who was being super cute and affectionate.

And after work, i am hitting the gym. It's time to stop making excuses and just fucking get in shape already. My dad is pre-diabetic, my grandmother and uncle are diabetic and my grandmother has had a quadruple bypass, my grandfather has gout and has recently had heart problems (on top of the gout and colon cancer), my other grandmother was an alcoholic and smoker who died of cancer of unknown origin, my other grandfather has had heart attacks and suffers from chronic high cholesterol and blood pressure, my dad has high cholesterol and blood pressure, my sisters have high cholesterol and blood pressure, and there is a long history on both sides of cancer, obesity, and other lifestyle-related forms of ill health. Plus a healthy dollop of sickness that wasn't preventable, like breast cancer.

So i'm eating better and exercising now, starting this year. I'm not going to be crazy about it. For one thing, there are way too many books to read for me to spend much of my time at the gym. For another thing, i hate gyms with a fiery passion and will move my workouts outside as soon as the weather permits. Furthermore, i have bad knees that prevent certain types of workouts (like running or squats).


I am overweight and in bad shape. I have poor muscle tone, i get out of breath very easily, i'm tired all the time, i'm often depressed and/or anxious, i keep having to buy new clothes because i don't fit in the old ones, i jiggle unattractively when i walk, i have cellulite in my ass and thighs that can be seen through my clothing . . .

There are a million reasons not to work out, and they are all stupid. There are a million reasons to work out, and they are mostly life-and-death. Plus there are a few about looking good in a bikini which, while less urgent, are still important and valid.

I can't run, but i can use an elliptical. I can't afford therapy or medication, but the gym where i work is free for staff to use. I can't predict or prevent every health problem that might ever threaten me, but i can establish lifelong habits of good diet and occasional moderate exercise that will go a long way toward ensuring happiness and longevity. I can't turn into a gym rat or personal trainer or someone who would ever be featured in an exercise video, but i can put an audiobook on my iPod and feel a little more confident in fitted clothing.

2012 kicked ass. Today, i will start working to make 2013 even better.

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