I went to a slightly grimy Massachusetts sports bar with some friends. The bouncer was checking IDs at the door, and was giving us a hard time. I don't know if he was just in a bad mood or if he was genuinely suspicious of us, but he looked at my Maryland ID, and then glared at me, and then took his time deliberating. The next time that he peered at me in dim light of the streetlamp, i stared him down. He apologized and handed me my ID, and let us in without another word.
One time, i placed an order from Athena's Home Novelties for some body chocolate FOR A FRIEND. And when my order arrived, it was accompanied by a whole box of things that someone else had ordered and that had mistakenly been shipped to me. There was tingly lube, massage oil, a "Good Head" lollipop, a starter bondage kit, two bullet vibrators, and other assorted goodies. It took me a few days to decide whether or not it was worthwhile to let the company know of the mistake.
Showing posts with label alcohol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alcohol. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Saturday, November 17, 2012
oh hey
So. Um.
Posting has been a little erratic lately. I do know that. Sorry.
All i can really say is that i've been so busy actually doing things that i have no time to write about them. I'll give you guys a quick synopsis of the past month and a half, and then we'll call it even, k?
So, in October, one of my best friends married her best friend, and i was a bridesmaid. So Boyfriend and i took a train, which arrived in Philly at 4:30 am, and then we waited for the rental car place to open. Then when it did, they apparently required a deposit (which they had not told us when we made the reservation and which he has never had to pay before when he has rented a car), and since he didn't have enough money in his account to cover the whole thing, his card was declined. So he made some angry phone calls, and i pulled out my iPad and transferred some money from my savings account and paid for the rental car. Then we went out to the parking lot, and our car was blocked in by three other cars. We called the office to ask them to move it, and then sat there for twenty minutes waiting. Finally, someone came out and walked around the three cars blocking us, looking confused, until Boyfriend got out and said, "Hey, can you move one of these cars so we can get out?" The guy looked more confused. Apparently, the office had told him to move a car, but not which car or why they needed it moved. Another ten minutes went by before we could leave. We slept at the hotel for a few hours, and then went to set up the church/rehearse/have the rehearsal dinner. Then the other bridesmaids and i stayed at the bride's parents' house. Then the wedding, and then the reception, and then Boyfriend and i went back to our hotel and passed out, exhausted. We checked out early the next morning, because our train left at 7:30. The rental car place wasn't open, and the gate to get into the rental lot wouldn't open, so we had to leave the car in the regular parking garage. A few hours later, when we were on the train, we got a rude phone call from the office, demanding to know where the car was. The story ends with Boyfriend writing an angry letter to the rental company.
The following weekend, we went to see Ingrid Michaelson on her acoustic tour with Katie Herzig. It was honestly one of the best shows i have ever seen. Both ladies were enormously talented, obviously, but they were also both very laid back and friendly and chatty. The whole thing felt like sitting in coffee shop, watching your friend perform. It was really lovely. Boyfriend and i had an amazing hotel room, and we spent some time cuddling, and antiquing, and exploring, and doing other things. On our way back home, we stopped at a state liquor store (we were in New Hampshire), and stocked up.
Then there was a hurricane. I was making myself dinner and drinking a rum and coke, when my roommates invited me to hang out. So i grabbed a bottle of wine and went downstairs, where we played Cards Against Humanity and i drank nearly the whole bottle of wine on my own. Then we took a break, and i went upstairs and got my special Black Velvet Toasted Caramel whiskey. We mixed it with apple cider and the rest of the evening is kind of a blur. I know i ate some pizza at one point. The next day, i took a sick day. Partly because i wanted to do laundry and never take any sick time and was out of vacation and personal time, and partly because i was too hung over to go into work.
Then i was proofreading and editing a paper for a guy in an MBA program. English was not his first language, and business is not my thing, so it was a lot of work. But it's the kind of work i love, so it was awesome.
Then Boyfriend and i had some serious discussions, and then i wrote him a whole bunch of love letters. Like, pen to paper, envelope, send through snail mail love letters that our grandchildren will read over one day. I know. How cute are we?
And then we organized our Thanksgiving trip down to Maryland to see my family and eat pie.
And finally, i and one of my downstairs neighbors have started an informal writing workshop group. So far, it's just the two of us, but we're hoping to expand soon. So i was revising old things, and realizing that everything i write should just be a sonnet and i should stop pretending that it isn't, and that i've missed this, and then i sent him two poems and he sent me a one-act play and we will meet this weekend to workshop them.
Oh! And i've also started going to the gym 3ish times a week. I do mountain climbing on the treadmill to a 90's pop music playlist, except for when i forget my iPod, in which case i watch Frasier instead. And then i drink a lot of water and eat some almonds or cashews and then go home and order a calzone or some Chinese food and eat it all in one sitting while watching The Office. It feels so great to be healthy.
Posting has been a little erratic lately. I do know that. Sorry.
All i can really say is that i've been so busy actually doing things that i have no time to write about them. I'll give you guys a quick synopsis of the past month and a half, and then we'll call it even, k?
So, in October, one of my best friends married her best friend, and i was a bridesmaid. So Boyfriend and i took a train, which arrived in Philly at 4:30 am, and then we waited for the rental car place to open. Then when it did, they apparently required a deposit (which they had not told us when we made the reservation and which he has never had to pay before when he has rented a car), and since he didn't have enough money in his account to cover the whole thing, his card was declined. So he made some angry phone calls, and i pulled out my iPad and transferred some money from my savings account and paid for the rental car. Then we went out to the parking lot, and our car was blocked in by three other cars. We called the office to ask them to move it, and then sat there for twenty minutes waiting. Finally, someone came out and walked around the three cars blocking us, looking confused, until Boyfriend got out and said, "Hey, can you move one of these cars so we can get out?" The guy looked more confused. Apparently, the office had told him to move a car, but not which car or why they needed it moved. Another ten minutes went by before we could leave. We slept at the hotel for a few hours, and then went to set up the church/rehearse/have the rehearsal dinner. Then the other bridesmaids and i stayed at the bride's parents' house. Then the wedding, and then the reception, and then Boyfriend and i went back to our hotel and passed out, exhausted. We checked out early the next morning, because our train left at 7:30. The rental car place wasn't open, and the gate to get into the rental lot wouldn't open, so we had to leave the car in the regular parking garage. A few hours later, when we were on the train, we got a rude phone call from the office, demanding to know where the car was. The story ends with Boyfriend writing an angry letter to the rental company.
The following weekend, we went to see Ingrid Michaelson on her acoustic tour with Katie Herzig. It was honestly one of the best shows i have ever seen. Both ladies were enormously talented, obviously, but they were also both very laid back and friendly and chatty. The whole thing felt like sitting in coffee shop, watching your friend perform. It was really lovely. Boyfriend and i had an amazing hotel room, and we spent some time cuddling, and antiquing, and exploring, and doing other things. On our way back home, we stopped at a state liquor store (we were in New Hampshire), and stocked up.
Then there was a hurricane. I was making myself dinner and drinking a rum and coke, when my roommates invited me to hang out. So i grabbed a bottle of wine and went downstairs, where we played Cards Against Humanity and i drank nearly the whole bottle of wine on my own. Then we took a break, and i went upstairs and got my special Black Velvet Toasted Caramel whiskey. We mixed it with apple cider and the rest of the evening is kind of a blur. I know i ate some pizza at one point. The next day, i took a sick day. Partly because i wanted to do laundry and never take any sick time and was out of vacation and personal time, and partly because i was too hung over to go into work.
Then i was proofreading and editing a paper for a guy in an MBA program. English was not his first language, and business is not my thing, so it was a lot of work. But it's the kind of work i love, so it was awesome.
Then Boyfriend and i had some serious discussions, and then i wrote him a whole bunch of love letters. Like, pen to paper, envelope, send through snail mail love letters that our grandchildren will read over one day. I know. How cute are we?
And then we organized our Thanksgiving trip down to Maryland to see my family and eat pie.
And finally, i and one of my downstairs neighbors have started an informal writing workshop group. So far, it's just the two of us, but we're hoping to expand soon. So i was revising old things, and realizing that everything i write should just be a sonnet and i should stop pretending that it isn't, and that i've missed this, and then i sent him two poems and he sent me a one-act play and we will meet this weekend to workshop them.
Oh! And i've also started going to the gym 3ish times a week. I do mountain climbing on the treadmill to a 90's pop music playlist, except for when i forget my iPod, in which case i watch Frasier instead. And then i drink a lot of water and eat some almonds or cashews and then go home and order a calzone or some Chinese food and eat it all in one sitting while watching The Office. It feels so great to be healthy.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Romans 16, 1 Corinthians 1-10
1 Corinthians 10:23
All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful; all things are lawful for me, but all things do not edify.
This, i think, is what a lot of religion should come down to in the end. Rather than a mere list of do's and don't's whose purpose is to provide a yardstick of righteousness, concentrate on the things that are helpful to you. And keep in mind that this list will not be the same for everyone. Some people (like myself) can have a couple of beers with dinner, or a glass of wine after work, and suffer no ill effects. Some people (like myself) can even get really drunk once in a while (so far, i've been drunk three times in five years), and suffer no long-term ill effects. However, i do have a lot of alcoholics in my family, so i appreciate that not everyone can do this. And while i could get really really drunk more frequently than i do (say once a month) without necessarily becoming an alcoholic and ruining my life, is it a good idea for me to do this? No. I don't want to have large chunks of my life blurry around the edges or missing entirely because i was too drunk to know what was happening. I don't want to spend long weekends hung over and miserable. I don't want to make bad decisions that i have to atone for in the morning. I don't want to damage my brain, liver, esophagus (from the stomach acid of vomit), waistline, teeth, and so forth. Having a few drinks now and then can help take the edge off of a stressful day, can help me loosen up and socialize with others, can help me warm up on a cold day, can open me up to new experiences. Plus, alcohol is delicious (seriously, Black Label toasted caramel flavored whiskey in apple cider is THE SHIT). All of these are good things. But getting drunk is not helpful and provides no edification. At least, not for me.
Instead of being built around the things that divide us, maybe religions and denominations should be built around the things that unite us. Like, instead of a church splitting over angry debates about whether or not it's okay to get tattoos, maybe they can peacefully say, "Hey, we all love Jesus, right? Okay! See you in heaven!" and then gently separate into two factions: one who believes that tattoos are not helpful or edifying, and one who believes that they can be sometimes. Or better yet, maybe they can agree to disagree, keeping in mind that all things are lawful. What is helpful for me may not be helpful for you, but that's really between me and God, isn't it?
All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful; all things are lawful for me, but all things do not edify.
This, i think, is what a lot of religion should come down to in the end. Rather than a mere list of do's and don't's whose purpose is to provide a yardstick of righteousness, concentrate on the things that are helpful to you. And keep in mind that this list will not be the same for everyone. Some people (like myself) can have a couple of beers with dinner, or a glass of wine after work, and suffer no ill effects. Some people (like myself) can even get really drunk once in a while (so far, i've been drunk three times in five years), and suffer no long-term ill effects. However, i do have a lot of alcoholics in my family, so i appreciate that not everyone can do this. And while i could get really really drunk more frequently than i do (say once a month) without necessarily becoming an alcoholic and ruining my life, is it a good idea for me to do this? No. I don't want to have large chunks of my life blurry around the edges or missing entirely because i was too drunk to know what was happening. I don't want to spend long weekends hung over and miserable. I don't want to make bad decisions that i have to atone for in the morning. I don't want to damage my brain, liver, esophagus (from the stomach acid of vomit), waistline, teeth, and so forth. Having a few drinks now and then can help take the edge off of a stressful day, can help me loosen up and socialize with others, can help me warm up on a cold day, can open me up to new experiences. Plus, alcohol is delicious (seriously, Black Label toasted caramel flavored whiskey in apple cider is THE SHIT). All of these are good things. But getting drunk is not helpful and provides no edification. At least, not for me.
Instead of being built around the things that divide us, maybe religions and denominations should be built around the things that unite us. Like, instead of a church splitting over angry debates about whether or not it's okay to get tattoos, maybe they can peacefully say, "Hey, we all love Jesus, right? Okay! See you in heaven!" and then gently separate into two factions: one who believes that tattoos are not helpful or edifying, and one who believes that they can be sometimes. Or better yet, maybe they can agree to disagree, keeping in mind that all things are lawful. What is helpful for me may not be helpful for you, but that's really between me and God, isn't it?
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Writing Retreat, Day 1
C and I had decided to buy supplies for the weekend. We therefore stopped at a liquor store before hitting the road in earnest. She had to get cash first, so i entered the store alone.
I was planning to buy wine, so the display of wine glasses just inside the door caught my attention immediately. I haggled with myself for a minute.
"Look! Only $4.99 for four wine glasses! That's such a great deal!"
"But how will you fit them in your suitcase?"
"I'll make room somehow."
"But you have so many wine glasses at home. You don't really need any more."
"But those are all Pammer's. I'll need my own when i move out."
"That's true, but . . . "
I grabbed the glasses before i could say anything else to change my mind and i set off to pick out some wine. C came in and saw me holding the glasses. I explained my conflict and that i as trying to decide if it would be worthwhile to buy them.
"Bear in mind that i have, like, 47 wine glasses at home," i told her.
"It's not worth it," she said.
The wine glasses went back and I bought two bottles of wine for just under twelve dollars total. Don't judge me.
I was planning to buy wine, so the display of wine glasses just inside the door caught my attention immediately. I haggled with myself for a minute.
"Look! Only $4.99 for four wine glasses! That's such a great deal!"
"But how will you fit them in your suitcase?"
"I'll make room somehow."
"But you have so many wine glasses at home. You don't really need any more."
"But those are all Pammer's. I'll need my own when i move out."
"That's true, but . . . "
I grabbed the glasses before i could say anything else to change my mind and i set off to pick out some wine. C came in and saw me holding the glasses. I explained my conflict and that i as trying to decide if it would be worthwhile to buy them.
"Bear in mind that i have, like, 47 wine glasses at home," i told her.
"It's not worth it," she said.
The wine glasses went back and I bought two bottles of wine for just under twelve dollars total. Don't judge me.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Nothing to See Here
Yesterday, i turned 22.
Yawn.
Kid birthday parties are fun. You get to play games, and wear party hats, and your mom is responsible for the whole thing (including clean-up). All you have to do is be alive for a certain amount of time.
The thirteenth birthday is great, because you're officially a teenager. Sixteen is cool, because you get to drive. At eighteen, you get to vote, smoke, buy lottery tickets, and pierce or tattoo anything you want. And at twenty-one, you get to drink.
That's it, unless you want to rent a car (25) or run for president (35).
I suppose in some ways, this birthday was an occasion. It was the first birthday i had away from home. It was also the first birthday i had in my office (though it was not the first time that i worked on my birthday). And, since i own a car that i rarely drive and have no desire to ever be in politics, this birthday marks the beginning of an era: the era where birthdays don't matter.
I'm not saying that i won't still expect cake and Facebook well-wishers. I'm just saying that from here on out, i don't want to have a birthday party unless my age is a convenient fraction of a century (25, 50, and 75, for those of you not mathematically inclined).
Fortunately, my boyfriend is amazing, and this year's birthday celebration consisted of him cooking dinner for me. He made antipasto, garlic bread, bacon-wrapped scallops, mashed potatoes, and chicken marinated, crusted with spices, and wrapped in prosciutto. For dessert he made rum cake with walnuts. He also gave me jewelry, and we spent the weekend watching The West Wing, cuddling, and . . . doing other things. What more could a girl want?
Yawn.
Kid birthday parties are fun. You get to play games, and wear party hats, and your mom is responsible for the whole thing (including clean-up). All you have to do is be alive for a certain amount of time.
The thirteenth birthday is great, because you're officially a teenager. Sixteen is cool, because you get to drive. At eighteen, you get to vote, smoke, buy lottery tickets, and pierce or tattoo anything you want. And at twenty-one, you get to drink.
That's it, unless you want to rent a car (25) or run for president (35).
I suppose in some ways, this birthday was an occasion. It was the first birthday i had away from home. It was also the first birthday i had in my office (though it was not the first time that i worked on my birthday). And, since i own a car that i rarely drive and have no desire to ever be in politics, this birthday marks the beginning of an era: the era where birthdays don't matter.
I'm not saying that i won't still expect cake and Facebook well-wishers. I'm just saying that from here on out, i don't want to have a birthday party unless my age is a convenient fraction of a century (25, 50, and 75, for those of you not mathematically inclined).
Fortunately, my boyfriend is amazing, and this year's birthday celebration consisted of him cooking dinner for me. He made antipasto, garlic bread, bacon-wrapped scallops, mashed potatoes, and chicken marinated, crusted with spices, and wrapped in prosciutto. For dessert he made rum cake with walnuts. He also gave me jewelry, and we spent the weekend watching The West Wing, cuddling, and . . . doing other things. What more could a girl want?
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
classy as shit 1
Last night, i got home at 10:30 after a late class and a trip to CVS for a binder and hot chocolate mix. I knew i'd be up late with homework, and i was also starving, because i'd only eaten a small sandwich and a bowl of soup at 12:30 and had had nothing but M'N'Ms since.
The meal was lovely: steak, mashed potatoes, and sauteed asparagus. I had a California white wine to go with it.
But since i was already so tired, and would already have to wash so many dishes, i wanted to reduce my workload as much as possible.
So midnight saw me sitting at the kitchen table, writing lesson plans, and swigging wine straight from the bottle.
The meal was lovely: steak, mashed potatoes, and sauteed asparagus. I had a California white wine to go with it.
But since i was already so tired, and would already have to wash so many dishes, i wanted to reduce my workload as much as possible.
So midnight saw me sitting at the kitchen table, writing lesson plans, and swigging wine straight from the bottle.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Reasons Why I Love My Boyfriend for $500, Please
This is an actual, real-life transcript of a Facebook chat we had today:
Him: but I am alive.
Me: yay!!!!!
please don't die
like, ever
at least not until after me
because who is going to play with my boobs if you die?
Kate.
That's who.
and if you die and leave me alone with kate i will fucking kill you
and don't even try to tell me i can't kill you if you are dead because you really ought to know me better than that by now
also i need a nap and i think i'm slightly hung over and i really need to pee
but people keep coming in and playing beautiful piano music so it's okay
Him: ohh talent show . . . you should be the simon judge.
Me: i'm not judging the show, just the auditions
but ben is a judge for the show
and i appreciate your ability to gloss right over all of my crazy, figure out what the hell i am actually talking about, and respond rationally
Him: you said boobs, so everything else melted away.
i like your boobs.
Me: hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
you're my favorite
UPDATE (this was through text, not FB):
Me: So this girl in my office just told me that you need to buy me a ring chop-chop. And i said we've been dating for four months. And she said oh. Well you look like you've been dating for four years.
Him: Hehehehehehe.
Me: At least she didn't say it felt like four years*
Him: Good point. I think we should just get everyone else fake rings**
Me: I think we should do a fake proposal in chapel. Interrupt the service to have you drag me on stage and go down on one knee.
Him: Or just go down?
Me: It's like you read my mind.***
* Recently, someone caught me looking up engagement rings online. FOR A FRIEND. And they made a cutesy comment and i said "Um. We've been dating for four months." And she said, "Really? Only four months? It feels like longer." Which confused me, because why do other people feel like they are in my relationship?
** We have an elaborate scheme involving fake engagement rings and free cake samples. And by "an elaborate scheme" i mean "several elaborate schemes". And while some of them do indeed involve cake, some of them involve revenge. And some are just for shits and giggles.
*** Because no joke, that was exactly what i thought when i pressed "send" on that text message.
Him: but I am alive.
Me: yay!!!!!
please don't die
like, ever
at least not until after me
because who is going to play with my boobs if you die?
Kate.
That's who.
and if you die and leave me alone with kate i will fucking kill you
and don't even try to tell me i can't kill you if you are dead because you really ought to know me better than that by now
also i need a nap and i think i'm slightly hung over and i really need to pee
but people keep coming in and playing beautiful piano music so it's okay
Him: ohh talent show . . . you should be the simon judge.
Me: i'm not judging the show, just the auditions
but ben is a judge for the show
and i appreciate your ability to gloss right over all of my crazy, figure out what the hell i am actually talking about, and respond rationally
Him: you said boobs, so everything else melted away.
i like your boobs.
Me: hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
you're my favorite
UPDATE (this was through text, not FB):
Me: So this girl in my office just told me that you need to buy me a ring chop-chop. And i said we've been dating for four months. And she said oh. Well you look like you've been dating for four years.
Him: Hehehehehehe.
Me: At least she didn't say it felt like four years*
Him: Good point. I think we should just get everyone else fake rings**
Me: I think we should do a fake proposal in chapel. Interrupt the service to have you drag me on stage and go down on one knee.
Him: Or just go down?
Me: It's like you read my mind.***
* Recently, someone caught me looking up engagement rings online. FOR A FRIEND. And they made a cutesy comment and i said "Um. We've been dating for four months." And she said, "Really? Only four months? It feels like longer." Which confused me, because why do other people feel like they are in my relationship?
** We have an elaborate scheme involving fake engagement rings and free cake samples. And by "an elaborate scheme" i mean "several elaborate schemes". And while some of them do indeed involve cake, some of them involve revenge. And some are just for shits and giggles.
*** Because no joke, that was exactly what i thought when i pressed "send" on that text message.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Beer Street
My housemates and i have started a new blog. It's like Texts From Last Night meets Shit My Dad Says meets The Jersey Shore. Read it.
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