Today, when i got to my desk, there was a note to say that Facilities was going to take the Admissions van in for an oil change. An hour or so later, someone from Facilities stopped by.
Facilities: Hi, are any of the enrollment counselors around?
Me: Um, everyone is in a meeting. Can I help you?
F: Well, we're taking you guys' van in for an oil change, but there's a box in the passenger's seat from a bakery. We'll be gone for a while, so I didn't know if you'd want to keep it in here. You probably don't want it sitting out in the sun.
M: Yeah, uh, thanks. I don't know what it could be for. I'll come and get it.
F: We didn't know if it was for a birthday or something, so I didn't even know who to talk to about it.
M: I don't think we have any birthdays. I don't know what it could be.
The box was large and cardboard. The contents felt heavy and solid, so i ruled out pastries or bagels. Almost definitely a cake of some kind. As i walked back to the office, cradling the box in both arms (it was very large), it occurred to me that, if it was a surprise cake for a birthday or other celebration, there was a good chance that there would be some kind of name or message on it. If i looked at the cake, i could probably learn who it was for.
I opened the box. Inside was a long, narrow shape with two rounded protuberances at the base. The end had a cap, or head. The whole thing was smoothly iced in flesh-colored frosting or fondant, and little swirls of dark brown icing adorned the two swellings at the base.
In short, it was a penis cake.
A chunk was missing from one of the testicles, as if someone had leaned over and taken a bite right out of the ball. The cake inside was dark and chocolatey.
I stood there a moment, stunned. Here i was, in the Admissions office of a private, conservative Christian college, and someone had left a penis cake in our van. The van that only enrollment counselors use.
I taped up the box and wrote a 'DO NOT OPEN' note on the top. I put the cake into the refrigerator and stepped into the Director's office.
Me: Hi. Do you have a second?
M: Um, Facilities is taking our van for an oil change, and they told me that there was something left in it, so I went out there to bring it in. And it's a penis cake.
D: . . . . . .
M: I didn't really know what to do, so I thought I should tell you about it.
D: . . . Huh. Okay. Thanks for letting me know about that. *giggle* Uh, okay!
M: Yeah. That's all. It's in our refrigerator now.
D: Is the box clear?
M: No, it's cardboard. I taped it closed.
D: Okay, good. Thanks.
We're still waiting to find out who it belongs to and what we should do with it.